yesterday was....something

💭 When “Constructive Criticism” Feels More Like a Hit and Run

I don’t even know where to begin.
There’s just... too much going on inside my head.

So, yesterday was ERM day. Or as I now like to call it: The Day of Public Humiliation.

It was my first time joining it. I was nervous, but also kinda thinking,

“I mean, what could possibly go wrong?”
LOL. Me and my optimism. We were both so naive.

Turns out… yeah.
It was bad. Really bad.

At one point, someone—who I will not name out of basic human decency—casually called my design “amateur”.

And they said it right there.
In front of everyone.
🙂🙂🙂

Like… sure. I know I’m not perfect. I’ve been aware that I still have a lot to learn.
I even wanted to ask for feedback months ago, but never managed to do it properly. I’ve been trying to grow.

But did you really have to drop that comment in front of the whole team? Was the goal to help, or to humiliate?

If you truly wanted to give feedback, it could’ve been done privately.
Quietly. With actual intention to help.
But nope. It was said like it was nothing.

You know what hurts more?
It’s the fact that I’ve been trying.
I chose to stay here. I accepted this job with no experience and minimal pay when others walked away.
I showed up. I worked. I learned.

But somehow, I’m expected to be a polished professional in just a few months?

I'm sorry, but no. That’s not how it works. 

Because guess what? When y’all were hiring, there were two other candidates. But once they heard the salary, they dipped.
I’m the one who stayed.
Me. The rookie.
The one who chose to grow in your system, despite the low pay and zero experience.

So don’t act shocked when I’m not a design god just yet.
Let me breathe.

---

After the meeting, I didn’t feel much. Just numb.
But maybe an hour later, it finally sank in.
My mood crashed. Hard.

I felt small.
I felt like people were pitying me.
And I hate being pitied.

It felt like everyone knew I got hit, and they were trying to patch it up with soft words and awkward smiles.
Like they were trying to comfort me for something that didn’t even need to go that way in the first place.

---

Thankfully, there was a little light at the end of that chaotic day.

After work, my family went out to eat and I joined them.
And after dinner, we decided—somewhat randomly—to go to that haunted house in Transmart.

I thought: perfect. Time to unleash my villain era, scream my frustration out, and maybe haunt someone back.
But meh. 3/10. Not scary. Could’ve been scarier than ERM but nope.

BUT THEN…

What stood out wasn’t the attraction itself—
but a group of noisy teens who happened to be there too.
They were loud. Very. And apparently, weirdly... interested in me?

They kept saying “mbak cantik” in passing. Not in a mocking way, but just playfully.
At first, I brushed it off. But they kept repeating it.
Even asked the haunted house staff if I was already in the cart.
And the staff? They actually opened the curtain and pointed to me. 😭

I tried to stay unbothered—calm, chill, whatever.
But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t lift my mood a bit.

After everything that went wrong earlier in the day, that small moment of lightness felt… weirdly comforting.

It reminded me that bad moments don’t last forever.
And sometimes, unexpectedly, the world throws you a “hey, you’re doing okay” in the most random ways.

---

✨ Takeaway?

ERM sucked.
I’m still bitter.
But maybe I’m not completely broken.
And maybe, just maybe, there’s still something soft and beautiful in days that don’t start that way.

Anyway. I’m still learning. Still showing up.
And even if I get bruised again, I’m not backing down.

Here’s to healing, growing, and haunted houses that accidentally remind you you’re kinda cute 🫠🌷