adult ; 21

 

Before reading this I suggest you read it while listening Idgitaf-Takut or 10cmDrawer so it will feel more 'dramatic' HHA, try to understand the lyrics too!.

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I don't know what to do with this life, yet.

Haha, it's been 2 months since I graduated from my uni, and I'm still feeling not worthy enough to be an adult, the real adult that bears everything, does everything, pays everything for themself and their surrounding. "The time as an adult still fills me awkwardly; As you can guess, I don't have a job yet, and I'm trying really hard right now to find the job, and I have to find it as soon as possible because things are not the same anymore like when my dad still here, yeah I blurted it out. I have to get a grip quickly. The problem is, I don't have confidence in my skill at all, I feel incompetent, I feel.. not really fit in everything. I know there are a lot of people like me that still struggle to adjust to their 'adult' life. It's awkward. A lot has changed but we feel the same as when we were a teen, unmoving. I'm 21! Graduated but Still Clueless, that's the right quote for me. I'm sorry for the negativity, I don't mean it at all... it's just I need to pour my negativity into another place instead get stuck in my mind. Actually, I'm a pretty positive person! yeah, I'm sure of that :D you can confirm it by asking my friends and family..no need to do that tho, it's not worth your time..HH

When I look back, I remember how happy I was, how foolish I was, how reckless I was, how apathetic I was, how relaxed I was, how ignorant I was.

It's one of the examples of how foolish I was, that's my nametag in my uniform, instead of sewing it properly, I stick it with glue until it leaves a mark and when it's no longer sticky I stick it with a needle. It's cringe to recall it but lovely at the same time.
 

Homework, exam, and what to eat in break time was the only things that I have in my mind. I'm lying if I said I don't miss that. Time just moving too quickly, it's hard to catch up. Slowly...Slowly, please just let it flow.. don't run too fast...

Tawakkal.

Tawakkal is the only thing I can do and the answer for everything.

21, being 21 it's really fascinating huh? there are people who married at 21, working at 21, being a mom at 21,  can't do anything at 21. it's just... WONDERFUL. we are so different yet the same. well at some stage we were in the same place, right?