Life Update: Lost, Again.

Hi... it's been a while since I last logged in or even talked to anyone here. I’ve been quiet because… I failed again. Another BUMN rejection.
I really tried my best this time.
I was the most active one during the LGD session.
I thought I answered the interview questions quite well.
But maybe... the psychometric test was where I messed up.

I once told myself that if I failed this time, I’d just go pursue my master’s degree.
But I guess that’s no longer an option—
Because now, I also have to help pay my youngest sibling’s tuition.
Not just me, but with my two other siblings.
Still... among us three, I have the lowest income. So it feels heavier on my end.
I want to help as much as I can. I really do.
But the truth is... I can't.
And it makes me sad.
It makes me wonder:
How long will I have to live like this?

On the other side, I also feel like my skills aren’t enough to apply somewhere better.
I keep thinking,
"What if this company is the only one that would accept me as I am?"
But even here, the pay is low, and I only get one day off each week.

I’ve been thinking about applying to the PCPM Bank Indonesia program again.
But... I don’t know.
I’m scared of failing again.
And the selection process is long.
That means I’ll need to take more days off work...
and honestly, I’m tired.